He walks up the stairs to the house in a long blue dress (an Imprint design?). I feel his smile before I even see him. He smiles warmly and takes my hand in both of his and we greet like old friends. He is so humble… it’s like he is my own grandfather. We walk together into the house to his bedroom/study. We laugh and chat along the way as if we’ve known each other for a long time. I tell him how fresh and energetic he seems and he agrees and says he has had lots of energy recently. We meet with my grandmother who prevents someone else from going into his study after he’s gone in. I walk into my bedroom with my grandmother who reprimands me for being so loud in his presence. I tell her that he had made a joke and I couldn’t help but laugh. She also tells me I’m wasting his time. He should have only been there for five minutes. She opens my curtains and the window and leaves me alone in the bedroom. I smile to myself because I spent three minutes walking with one of the greatest men on this planet. I remember that I had just finished chasing a buffalo out of the house moments before I saw him walking up the stairs. How embarrassed would I have been had he seen that?!
Then I wake up and realise that it was all a dream. I’m slightly sad but also happy that I got to walk with him. Even if it was a dream.
He walked home…tired, hot and feeling rather lonely on his usual route through the shortcut between the trees which led him directly onto his road. He felt lightheaded, as if he was walking in a dream… his breath short. He could feel the sweat collecting on his upper lip and on his forehead. He strenuously raised his hand to his face and wiped the droplets with the back of his hand.
Eventually, he gets to the door and pulls out his keys and fumbles with the lock. His eyes drop to the ground and he notices a box next to the door. He wasn’t expecting a delivery. He tries to recall when last he used his credit card. It was last month when he urgently needed a new jacket for an event at work. The urgency wasn’t that he found out about the event at the last minute but rather that there would be a lot of young men attending.
Finally! He opens the door, picks up the box and walks into the kitchen. There is no writing or card on the box. Strange, he thinks to himself. He sets his bag down and takes off his jacket then walks to the cutlery drawer and pulls out a sharp knife. Inside the box he finds a plain white card; he pulls it out and opens it. It reads:
“This is for tonight! Hope you’re ready for an amazing time!”
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! He forgot that he had arranged a date with some guy he was chatting to online. Why did it have to be tonight? Why did he go online when he was that horny?! He looks around. Everything is in its place; the joys of living alone. He decides to have a shower before cooking supper. He kicks off his shoes and throws them towards his bedroom door and makes a left into the bathroom. Continue reading “A short story about loneliness.”→
Hi Blog Buddies! Can you believe that it has been over a month since I last posted something? I can’t – it feels far longer! It has been a necessary torture though. After I published Gay at an all boys school things got pretty hectic.
Firstly, that article reached a lot of people around the world! Secondly, my mind and body actually started dealing with the incident – almost a year later. After getting over the initial spike in adrenalin levels and the emotional-overload of having exposed so much about myself as well as others’ experiences recounted to me, I felt so much pain. From the top of my head to the tips of my toes, my body felt pain. I guess my systems went into some sort of ‘shock’.
One GP, one Life Alignment practitioner and two Chiropractor visits, as well as a week off work, later I was well enough to keep going. I also took some time to think about where I want to take my blog, why I was writing and who I was actually writing for. These are questions I am still asking myself and will continue asking with every article that I write.
Even through all of this I do not regret publishing my experience, and knowing that I have started a desperately overdue process and conversation makes it all the more worthwhile. I also learnt that I did not need to be hard on myself for not being able to function at the same capacity as I was prior to “not being well”. We are human; we are allowed to feel and to be affected. This will be my mantra from now on. At this point in time, I do not wish to say anymore online about the incident or anything related to it. Conversations have been started.
With regards to my writing: there are some exciting news I will be sharing with you all really soon, so keep checking back AND if you are not already following my Blog or my Twitter do so right now! 🙂
Finally, I would like to encourage anyone with any information about sexual abuse/harassment at #QCBHS to, please, contact Lt-Col Melody Oranje on tel: 0458077809/10 or mobile: 0824418505.
I would like to tell you a story. This is not an ordinary story but it has all the elements of a usual story. I have been wanting to tell this story for a while now, but I have been scared – scared that I might not see the morning if I told it at bedtime. It is not a fictional story like Little Red Riding Hood. Oh no, this is an account of true events.
Dating is hard work! I think it is particularly harder if you’re gay (as opposed to straight dating – #privilege). However, even before you’ve started looking for a partner or going on dates, there is the “in need of a relationship” VS “ready to be in a relationship” debate within yourself. Or is it only me? How does one figure out which stage they are at?
I am at one of the aforementioned stages at the moment, but can’t quite decipher the code. I have been single, effectively, for 15 months. I say effectively because there have been a couple of flings during that time. Continue reading “I feel lonely… sometimes”→